Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
