just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
