The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
