Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
