our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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