someone get that fucking seahorse.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
