I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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