i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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