He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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