im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Congratulations! We have a period
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