Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
