i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
