is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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