Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
