its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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