I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
