the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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