DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We just shotgunned beers for America
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
