all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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