He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
