I am spending my child support on dildos
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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