I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
