I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
