and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
