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So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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