I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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