The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
