My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
