I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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