Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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