I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
