a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
