I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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