12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
