I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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