Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
