My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my being single is dangerous.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
