is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
