im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
