I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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