she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
