one two three fourrrrnication!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
