There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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