I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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