I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
