I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
