Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
