WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
