I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
