The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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