I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
