that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
