he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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